Tell Me Baby Don't You Wanna Be There for Yourself With Your Fire Come Feel My Body My Skin
Dear songs are where we get our passion, our soul — and most of our worst ideas.
Nil good tin come of this. Photo past Achim Voss/Flickr.
Throughout homo history, oceans accept been crossed, mountains take been scaled, and great families have blossomed — all considering of a few simple chords and a tune that inflamed a heart and propelled it on a noble, romantic mission.
On the other hand, that fourth dimension y'all told that girl you simply started seeing that y'all would "catch a grenade" for her? You did that because of a love vocal. And information technology wasn't exactly a coincidence that she suddenly decided to "lose your number" and movement back to Milwaukee to "figure some stuff out."
"It's simply, my mom. You know? And L.A. is and so hot in the summer. And yes, my mom." Photo via iStock.
That time you held that boom box over your head outside your ex'south house? Y'all did that considering of a love vocal. And fifty hours of community service after, you're still not back together.
Love songs are bully. They make our hearts shell faster. They inspire us to take risks and put our feelings on the line. And they give us terrible, terrible ideas about how actual, real-life human relationships should work.
They're amazing. So amazing. And likewise terrible.
Here are six honey songs that sound romantic simply aren't, and one vocal that doesn't audio romantic but totally is:
ane. "God Only Knows," by The Embankment Boys
You can keep your "Surfin' Safaris," your "I Get Arounds," and your "Aid me Rhondas."
When it comes to The Beach Boys, "God Only Knows" is where it's at. A lush garden of soft horns and informal melody. A necktie-dye swirl of sound. A mural of haunted innocence with some of the most heartrending lyrics ever committed to the dorsum of a surfboard.
Youth! Youth! Youth! Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images.
Here'south why it sounds romantic:
I may not always love you
But long as there are stars higher up y'all
Yous never demand to doubt it
I'll make you and then sure about information technology
God only knows what I'd be without you
If you're traipsing through a meadow in a sundress with your beloved and non playing "God Only Knows" on your iPod, you should really stop and start over.
If y'all're lazily bumping a beach brawl over a volleyball internet and "God Only Knows" isn't playing somewhere in the back of your heed, you need to rethink the choices that got you lot to this bespeak.
If you're a video editor compiling footage of grainy hippies frolicking in the mud and yous're not underscoring it with the opening chords of "God Just Knows," you are doing information technology wrong.
Hippies, likely on their way to a mud frolic. Photograph past Colin Davey/Getty Images.
It's a song that just feels like beloved. Pure love. Young love. Honey with a arctic, kelp-y vibe.
What could be wrong with that?
Here's why information technology's actually really, really unromantic:
There'south nada wrong with loving someone. Sending them flowers. Leaving over-the-summit notes in their P.O. boxes. Stroking their pilus equally they fall asleep while yous whisper the consummate works of Nicholas Sparks into their ear.
"Miles Ryan stood on the back porch of his business firm, smoking a cigarette..." Photo by hatchettebookgroup.biz.
But in that location is such a thing as loving someone a skosh too much.
If you should ever go out me
Though life would still go on believe me
The globe could show nothing to me
And then what good would living do me?
Look, I become it. Breakups suck. In that location's no getting around that. But proficient God.
In that location's a huge difference between saying: "Hey baby, you are my first and foremost everything and I'll be bummed if you go." And saying: "Welp, you lot accepted that chore in Seattle, so I'm just gonna chug a bunch of nightshade and telephone call it a life."
But that's pretty much the gist hither. Which makes this line...
God only knows what I'd be without you
...horror-movie creepy. Because the answer, obviously, is: "I'd be a corpse!"
Ah well. We had a good run. Photo via iStock.
That's not love. That's codependency (to put it mildly). Oh, and hey! Threatening to impale yourself if your partner leaves isn't loving. It's a form of emotional abuse.
Investing all your happiness and sense of self-worth in any relationship — i that, past definition, might one day end — is putting a lot of eggs in i basket. Sure, God may only know what you'd exist without her, but God probably also hopes you have, I don't know, some hobbies. Take a yoga class. Google some woodworking videos. Try kite surfing.
"Yeah! Hell yeah! What was her name once more?" Photo by Jim Semlor/Federal Highway Administration.
One person cannot be anyone'due south be-all and end-all. It's too stressful. And it prevents you from doing you, which is a thing that's gotta be done before you lot tin can do anything else.
No wonder she took that job in Seattle.
two. "Treasure," by Bruno Mars
Certain, it's a blatant rip off of every Michael Jackson song you've ever heard. But, we don't take Michael Jackson anymore, and equally tribute acts go, you could do a lot worse than Bruno Mars.
Look at that face. That face! Photograph by Brothers Le/Flickr.
Hither's why the vocal sounds romantic:
Treasure, that is what you lot are
Honey, y'all're my gold star
You know yous can make my wish come true
If yous let me treasure you
If you let me treasure you
Pass those lyrics to anyone on a used napkin at an 8th-course make-out political party and you'll likely get an instant cost pass on the highway to tongue-boondocks (ew).
Pass them to your spouse and, chances are, date night is going to culminate in 47 minutes of chaste-yet-passionate frenching.
Pass them to a cop who pulls you over for running a finish sign, and they will think you're weird — but probably still make out with you.
In fact, Bruno Mars basically has a lifetime pass to make out with America because of this song.
This is what happens when you write "Treasure" and you're on stage with Michelle Obama. Photo by Mandel Ngan/Getty Images.
And I'm OK with that.
But, here'due south why "Treasure" isn't as romantic as it seems:
Everything well-nigh "Treasure" is retro. Everything.
Including its attitudes about gender.
"Children, have I ever told yous what I shouted at your female parent on the street the offset time we met?" Photo by Jacobsen/Getty Images.
Things showtime to go south right from the very beginning:
Give me your, give me your, requite me your attention, infant
I gotta tell you a little something well-nigh yourself
Ah yes. Nothing screams "respect" quite like a human lecturing a strange woman on the street most something she "doesn't know about herself."
What could it be? Could it be that her jokes are funny? Could information technology be that she's got something in her teeth? Could it be that her nonfiction volume about early on modern High german history is extremely detailed and informative?
"Thank you for teaching me all nearly Martin Luther'southward bible!" Photo past Torsten Schleese/Wikimedia Commons.
Spoiler Alert: It's none of those.
You lot're wonderful, flawless, ooh, you're a sexy lady
Merely you walk around hither like you wanna be someone else
Oh. Information technology's that she's sexy. Cool, bro. Very original.
Discussion of advice? Regardless of how she's walking, the lady knows she'south sexy. Even if she doesn't, information technology really doesn't touch her day-to-day so much that y'all, a complete stranger, need to shout information technology at her (even over a funky disco snare).
So what if she does want to exist someone else? I'd beloved to be someone else! I retrieve being Ryan Gosling would be quite squeamish. A good style to spend a three-twenty-four hours weekend.
Certain, there'd exist an adjustment period... Photograph by Eamonn Grand. McCormack/Getty Images.
And and so after, of class, the narrator can't help himself:
Pretty girl, pretty daughter, pretty daughter, y'all should be smiling
A daughter like you should never look so blue.
He respects her so much, he's actually straight-up telling her to grinning! Much like Mars' character "Uptown Funk," who appears to go off on angrily exhorting girls to "striking [their] hallelujah." Which, you know, I approximate everybody'southward got a thing.
Aye, in the world of "Treasure," a good for you relationship is an unending stream of a man complimenting a strange woman and said woman being and so totally flattered that she immediately dispenses "the sex."
He then proceeds to talk to his potential lover similar the world'south creepiest pirate:
You are my treasure, yous are my treasure
You are my treasure, yeah, y'all, you lot, y'all, you are
You are my treasure, you are my treasure
Y'all are my treasure, yeah, you lot, you, you, y'all are
Past this bespeak, in his mind, she'south a literal matter. An object. Which is fitting.
I suppose it could exist worse, though. At least she's not just whatsoever thing.
GIF from "The Two Towers."
That's ... something, right?
3. "Don't Recall Twice, It's All Correct," by Bob Dylan
For every bit long equally humans have been dating each other, humans accept been breaking upward with each other. And "Don't Think Twice" is a portrait of a human relationship going downwardly in flames. Glorious, poetic, acoustic flames.
Bob Dylan, a guy who is good at writing songs that a lot of people like. Photo by William Lovelace/Getty Images.
Here'due south why it sounds romantic:
Well, it own't no use to sit and wonder why, baby
Even you don't know by now
And it ain't no apply to sit and wonder why, infant
Information technology'll never practice somehow
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Expect out your window, and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm a-traveling on
But don't think twice, information technology's all right.
Boom. Strummed on out of that friends-with-benefits situation like whoa.
"Don't Think Twice" is a raw song. An honest song. A powerful song. It'southward the song your older sister played on continuous loop for six months after her boyfriend left for higher. The song that convinced your Aunt Roslyn to get out her banking company-teller job, load her iv Australian shepherds into the van, and open a wind chinkle store in Mendocino. The song your friend'due south cool dad always wants to play when he invited your loftier school ring over to his apartment to jam.
"What timbre are you lot looking for?" Photo by Sharon Ang/Pixabay.
Sure, it's about the terminate of a relationship, but information technology sounds romantic. And at the cease of the day, shouldn't that be enough?
Here'due south why information technology's really sooooo messed up:
Relationships end. For a lot of reasons. And while there is no right fashion to call information technology quits with someone, when the dust settles, both parties can certainly do good from a difficult, honest word virtually what went incorrect.
It'south not me, Joan. It's you. 100% you. Photo by Rowland Scherman/Getty Images.
In "Don't Recollect Twice," that discussion basically boils down to: "It's your mistake."
Permit's review the reasons the dude in "Don't Think Twice" is splitting with his lady friend:
I gave her my middle, but she wanted my soul
Ugh, women, right? Yous're all like, "Babe, I just accept and then much unspecified love to give," and she'southward like, "Accept out the trash!" And you lot're like, "But baaaaaaabe, shouldn't my middle be enough?" And she's similar, "No, seriously. I already did the laundry, cleaned the whole house, fed the domestic dog, did the dishes, and made both of our lunches for the calendar week. All I need you lot to do is take out the trash." And you're similar, "Y'all're bumming me out. I'm gonna become play guitar." So she gets all mad! What did you do? Why is she trying to change you? UGH!
You could have done better, but I don't mind
Yes. You practice heed! You mind! You wrote a vocal about it, you passive-aggressive prick.
You only kinda wasted my precious time
Ah yep. Your time is so precious! Think virtually all the hours you wasted plumbing the ocean-deep, ecstatic mysteries of human partnership when you could accept been futzing around with that home-mash kit.
Yes, this was worth information technology. Photo by Beak Bradford/Flickr.
The minute yous start breaking information technology down, the message of "Don't Recall Twice" suddenly starts to seem a lot less romantic. Like your sister'due south ex-boyfriend, who worked at the Bass Pro Shop in town for a while and now might be in jail. Similar your aunt's air current chime store, which would have closed forever agone had she not received that inheritance from her mom in the '80s. Similar your friend'south absurd dad, who wasn't exactly, technically, paying child support.
"You kids want a beer? No one's under 13, correct?" Photo via iStock.
Oh yeah, and the vocal's narrator also point-blank refers adult female he's leaving every bit:
A child, I'm told
That'due south right. In addition to being a run-of-the-mill passive-aggressive jerk — turns out, he'due south too possibly a pedophile.
Even if nosotros are to have that this is a metaphor and she's non actually a child — which at that place's no indication it is, but OK, Bob Dylan — the fact that Commitmentphobe Gunderson hither would willingly cull an young partner reflects way more than poorly on him than it does on her.
Breaking up with anyone in such a cruel, dismissive style is a recipe for sticking them with years of therapy bills.
Which, I suppose, may be the indicate.
4. "Leaving on a Jet Plane," by John Denver
Who has 2 thumbs and wrote a bittersweet folk vocal nearly hurtling through the stratosphere in a giant aluminum tube at 600 miles per hour?
This guy. Photo by Hughes Television Network/Wikimedia Eatables.
Hither'southward why it sounds romantic:
"Leaving on a Jet Plane" is a lovely song. And impressive in its loveliness because jet planes were still kind of new at the fourth dimension it was written.
'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
To a modern ear, this would be sort of like singing, "I'm a scoooting away on my hoverboooooard," simply in a way that'southward somehow nevertheless folksy and heartbreaking and singable by 9-year-olds at summer army camp. Not easy to do!
Oh babe, I hate to become
You meet — he hates to go! He just hates it! We know this, considering he tells u.s. he hates information technology. And why would he hate to get if he didn't love his partner just that much?
See ya! Photo past Altair78/Wikimedia Commons.
Why indeed?
Here's why it's actually non that romantic at all:
All the plaintive guitar, loping bass line, and twangy, melancholy warbling in the world can simply distract then much from the fact that the vocal's primary character is well, kind of a jerkweed.
And in reality — surprise surprise! — information technology doesn't really seem like he hates being away all that much:
In that location's so many times I've let you downward
Then many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
"Baby, I promise! All the movies I watched solitary while you were dwelling nursing the quadruplets. All the times I drained our life savings on Zoo Zillionaire. All the random sex I had with other women. Totally meaningless. Certainly fun to do! Really fun. Like, I had a fantastic fourth dimension. But residual assured — completely empty, in an ontological sense."
"As empty equally this bed I simply finished having sex with someone else in." Photograph via iStock.
Yes, when y'all intermission information technology down, "Leaving on a Jet Airplane," is less of a passionate tribute to dear overcoming distance and more the deluded ramblings of a guy who needs to convince himself he's "skillful" despite all testify to the contrary.
And for all he claims to be broken up most having to part from his one and only, the dude seems pretty excited about the flight. Oh, you're leaving on a jet plane, are you? Are you lot Zone 1? Gonna humblebrag on Twitter about the "terrible" Cibo express salad yous were forced to choke down as you lot sabbatum waiting to embark on your fun, mysterious adventure?
"Life so hard @ LGA #missingmybabe." Photo by Gesalbte/Wikimedia Commons.
He continues:
Ev'ry place I become, I'll think of you
Ev'ry vocal I sing, I'll sing for you lot
Ah absurd. He'll think about her while strumming and making "my honey is fragile as the morning dew" optics at a waif-y grad student in the front row. That pretty much makes up for it all.
So he demands:
Then buss me and smile for me
Tell me that yous'll await for me
After all the betrayal and heartbreak, after basically revealing himself to be a course-A sleaze who can't exist trusted, he still has the gall to tell her to wait? To wait for him?
And hither'south the kicker:
When I come back, I'll bring your nuptials ring
Ah yes. He'll put a ring on it. Finally.
"Ehhhhhhh...." Photograph via iStock.
Different all the previous trips, where he'southward cheated a billion times, drained the family unit bank account, and merely been a full general screwup and disappointment.
Merely yeah. This time he says he'll bring back a wedding ceremony ring.
I promise she joins a polyamorous octad and never looks back.
5. "When a Man Loves a Woman," Percy Sledge
When yous expect up "soul" in the dictionary, the book plays you a recording of this song.
Percy Sledge, having a few thoughts. Photo by Cistron Pugh/Flickr.
Specifically, it plays yous the very beginning line.
Hither'southward why information technology sound very romantic:
When a man loves a woman
Certain, you can write the lyrics down, but it doesn't fifty-fifty come close to capturing the heartache. The yearning. The delicious, delicious hurting-belting:
WHEN A MAN LOVES A Adult female
Closer ... merely still no.
WHEN A MAAAAAAAN. LOVES A WOOOMAN!
Aye! Sing it, Percy Sledge!
It's an elemental lyric.
Information technology'due south a centre-shattering lyric.
It's a lyric that demands you put your back into it.
It's perfection.
As long as you lot don't go along listening.
Here'south why the song is actually pretty horrifying:
From the opening lines of "When a Human Loves a Woman," we know that, at least on occasion, a man loves a woman.
Which raises the question: What happens when said homo loves said woman?
He'd surrender all his comforts
And sleep out in the rain
If she said that'southward the way
It ought to be.
Whoa! OK. No. Back up. A homo, no affair how devoted, no matter how selfless, no matter how in love, needs shelter. Otherwise, a man will dice of exposure and hypothermia.
Turn his back on his best friend if he put her down.
No! Jeez. No. A human being can't put upwardly with that kind of isolating beliefs. A homo needs friends! Once a man's whole support system erodes out from nether him, a human will exist bitter, ungrounded, and lone. And a man'southward mental health will deteriorate.
I gave you everything I have
Tryin' to hold on to your heartless dearest
Baby, please don't treat me bad.
This is not what happens "when a man loves a woman." Information technology'southward what happens when a man loves a decision-making, manipulative woman. An abusive adult female. A woman who, in truth, just loves a woman. Herself.
"It'south Chris or me." Photograph by geralt/Pixabay.
And that's not healthy.
Run, Percy Sledge, run! We're here for you.
(Side note: Lest it go unsaid, there is way more than one way for a man to love a woman. Maybe they spend every waking moment cuddling and bopping each other on the nose. Maybe they sleep in separate bedrooms. Maybe they dress up in large, plush cat costumes and refer to each other Mr. and Mrs. Kittyhawk. And when a homo loves a man, I imagine information technology feels much the aforementioned. Or when a adult female loves a woman. Or when a gender nonconforming person loves a gender nonconforming person.)
Regardless of the depth of commitment, living situation, or combination of genders or sexual orientations, there's no 1-size-fits-all honey solution. Every human relationship is a unique snowflake. Variety is the spice of life. Necessity is the female parent of invention. There'due south more than than 1 way to skin a cat. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go downwards.
It doesn't matter if it's the right metaphor, as long as information technology's a metaphor. Photograph past Rosmarie Voegtli/Flickr.
Indicate being: Generalize at your peril, Sledge. And please, seek assistance! You tin do this! And if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, please give these people a call.
half-dozen. "All I Wanna Do is Make Honey to Y'all," Heart
Honestly, Heart could sing a listing of the almost popular AllRecipes ("Jaaaamie's Cranberry Spinach Saaaaalad/World'south Best Lasaaaaagna/Sour Creeeeeam Cutouts") and it would make me desire to bawl my eyes out in the arms of a alpine, dark stranger at the cease of a pier.
This song is perfect. Y'all should always be listening to it. If you're not listening to it now, smack yourself in the face and Google it. Information technology's just that important.
I am singing the phone book. You are weeping like a tiny baby. Photograph by FatCat125/Wikimedia Commons.
Then much passion. Then much pain. So much hair.
Hither'due south why it sounds romantic:
Over pounding drums and a soaring melody, Heart sisters Nancy and Ann Wilson deliver a primal tribute to the 1 true romantic fantasy shared past every living existence on World: picking up an unnervingly attractive human being for i night of heed-blowing sex and then releasing him dorsum into the wild to bone — but never quite as compellingly e'er again.
They sing:
It was a rainy dark when he came into sight
Standing by the road, no umbrella, no coat
So I pulled upwardly alongside and I offered him a ride
He accepted with a smiling so we drove for a while
I don't take to go on considering y'all know what happens side by side, and it's crawly.
"I only sit in this cabin. Counting the days since. Counting ... the ... days." Photo by Rene Asmussen/Pexels.
Now, here's why this song is non romantic at all:
The relationship in "All I Wanna Do" seems too good to exist true. And it is. Because it's not an as loving ,or even every bit lusty, pairing at all.
It'southward a...
It'south a...
Well. You know what information technology is:
Expert at recognizing no-win situations and succulent with lemon?! Photo past Pikawil/Flickr.
For a while, things are humming along just fine, like whatever wholesome, illicit, anonymous affair should:
I didn't enquire him his name, this lone male child in the pelting
Fate, tell me it'due south right, is this beloved at commencement sight?
Sure, many of us might hesitate to pick up a strange leather-jacket-clad man standing on the side of the road for a no-strings-attached screw, just our narrator just has a feeling about this guy, and sometimes, you gotta become with your gut.
I can respect that.
We made magic that night
He did everything correct
Not bad! Seems like it was a good decision. Bonking the hitchhiker is payin' off big fourth dimension.
Merely then, without warning, the vocal starts to audio less like an best smashing romance and more like a story men's rights activists tell each other as they vape around a campfire:
I told him "I am the flower, y'all are the seed
Nosotros walked in the garden, we planted a tree
Don't try to find me, please don't you dare
Just live in my retention, you'll always be there"
I'g not a poet. Symbolic language often eludes me. But unless "flower," "seed," "garden," and "tree," suddenly mean wildly different things in the context of human being reproduction than they have since sex was first invented in the early on-1970s, we're talking nigh a surprise, non-mutually-consensual pregnancy!
HELLO! Photo by Avsar Aras/Wikimedia Eatables.
Of grade, metaphors are opaque, interpretations vary, etc., etc., etc. You might exist tempted to retrieve, "Maybe Heart meant something else by that."
To that I say, no, they definitely meant it:
Then information technology happened 1 24-hour interval
We came circular the same mode
Yous tin imagine his surprise
When he saw his own optics
In that location are two possibilities here.
One: The narrator of the song is recently-deceased Jerry Orbach from this creepy New York Urban center subway advertisement from nine years agone:
Photo past eyedonation.org.
Or 2: She totally bamboozled a dude into whipping upwards a infant on the sly.
I said, "Please, please understand
Ah, sure. Aye. No worries.
I'm in beloved with some other human being
Cool, so this all makes sense and is in no way the nightmarish scheme of a deranged sociopath who has now wrecked not one simply ii lives.
And what he couldn't give me, oh, no
Was the 1 trivial affair that you tin can"
A Homo LIFE! A Existent SENTIENT Human LIFE THAT IS NOT INCIDENTAL TO ALL OF THIS!
The all-time yous can say about that is that it's not technically illegal, and that leather-jacket man probably should accept been responsible for his own nascence control. Or, at the very least, asked more questions .
But ... it'southward not cute. Information technology's not romantic (even the Wilson sisters themselves hold).
And at the end of the day, the shadiest graphic symbol in this song is somehow not the rain-soaked hitchhiker wandering to nowhere in the dark.
Which... is saying something.
But at that place is a love song that is truly, madly, deeply perfect. An unassailable rails in a ocean of problematic faves.
A song that does everything right.
A song that paints a portrait of a healthy partnership built to last.
A song that can double as a manual for the ideal homo romantic relationship.
And that song is...
"Processed Shop," by l Cent, featuring Olivia
Hither'south why you might be — OK, well-nigh definitely are — skeptical:
50 Cent (Fifty) and that guy. You know, that guy? That guy! Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images.
As catchy as "Candy Store" is, as fun it is to dance to, and as cathartic equally it can be to scream in the middle of a crowded fraternity business firm at ii a.m., there's no getting around the fact that the song begins similar this:
I'll take y'all to the candy store
I'll allow you lick the lollipop
I'll postal service that again, in case you missed some of the nuance:
I'll have you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollipop
Manner to have one for the team, narrator of "Processed Shop"!
At first glance, "Processed Shop" is nobody's idea of a archetype dear song.
The lyrics are ... unusually forrard. The beat is kinda basic. The claw is similar the music they play when Abu Nazir sidles scarily by in "Homeland."
OooooOOOOoooooOOOo. GIF from "Homeland."
It doesn't get played much anymore. When it does resurface, it feels ... kinda dated. Like watching that DVD of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" on your new Xbox 360.
Information technology's not a song yous'd put on a mixtape for your crush. Information technology'due south non a song you'd play for your spouse when the kids are at habitation with the babysitter and yous've got nine hours to tear up the Piscataway Hampton Inn. Information technology's certainly non a song y'all'd include on the video photograph montage y'all made for your grandparents' silver anniversary.
It's just not.
But it should exist.
Then here it is. Hither'due south why "Candy Shop" past fifty Cent, featuring Olivia, is actually the perfect human relationship song:
You wanna back that affair upward or should I button upwards on it? Photo by ionasnicolae/Pixabay.
The bass drum hits. The MIDI violins whine. The vocalizer starts filling out his fellatio permission slip. It's only been xx seconds, and you're already getting ready to hang it upwardly with "Candy Shop."
Merely so ... over the square thrum and the mewling strings, a miracle occurs — in the form of a female person voice joining the runway, cutting through the din like a blaring call.
She sings:
I'll have you lot to the candy shop (aye)
Male child, i taste of what I got (uh-huh)
I'll have y'all spendin' all you got (come up on)
Keep going 'til you striking the spot, whoa
Information technology's mutual! It's mutual! They're performing oral sex activity on each other!
Ring the bells! Bang the drums! Release the doves!
Become, cunnilingus doves, go! Photo by liz west/Flickr.
50 Cent himself may not be the earth'southward greatest partner — for instance, co-ordinate to one of his exes, he's washed some pretty unforgivable things.
Just the narrator of "Candy Shop"? He gets it:
You could have it your mode, how do yous want it?
Rather than simply imposing his desires on the person he'southward with — a la the dude in "God Only Knows ("I'm going to invest my entire sense of self-worth in yous!") or the street heckler in "Treasure" ("I'm going to treat you like a chest full of gold doubloons!") or the sociopath in "All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You," ("I'm going to trick you into knocking me up!") — the "Candy Shop" guy actually asks his partner what she wants.
Which, in the world of popular music, is good for nigh l,000 trillion points.
And where are they going to do it? The hotel? Back of the rental? The beach? The park?
It's any you're into
'Cause consent is sexy!
I ain't finished instruction you lot 'bout how sprung I got ya
The narrator of "Candy Shop" is certainly ... assertive about his desires.
But hither's the primal thing: the lady on the receiving finish of those desires? She'due south clearly into it. And nosotros know this because she says and so.
The lines of consent in "Candy Store" are bright red, highlighted, and soldered into the weirdly sticky club floor.
Meanwhile, Robin Thicke is outside trying to convince the bouncer that his uncle is a lawyer. Photo by Grim23/Wikimedia Commons.
Daughter what we do ...
And where nosotros do ...
The things we exercise ...
Are just between me and you lot
No matter how nasty they freak, it will exist intimate. It will be private. In that location will be no revenge porn (the epilogue to "Blurred Lines," to wit, would definitely be a protracted, emotionally devastating lawsuit).
If you be a nympho, I'll be a nympho
Sexual compatibility is key to the survival of any relationship, whether years, weeks, or (very perchance in the example of "Candy Store") minutes long.
She may have a high sex drive, merely dude is graciously offering to accommodate her. What a gentleman! These crazy kids just might get the distance after all.
And at the end of the twenty-four hour period, what is a relationship but two nymphos, sharing health insurance?
Thanks, Obamacare! Photo past Wonderlane/Flickr.
It's like it'southward a race who could get undressed quicker
Again, everybody is having a not bad fourth dimension. And, critically, an equally great time.
I impact the right spot at the correct time
Of course, it wouldn't be a pop/hip-hop hit without a spot of random humbug, but if we're to take him at his discussion, "Candy Shop" guy is at least as good at "doing everything right" equally the anonymous hitchhiker from "All I Wanna Do is Make Dear to Yous" — except without all the creepy surprise baby nonsense.
The "Processed Shop" guy is a keeper. Because he'south not a hero or a stranger in the night or a funky, shimmering love god. He'southward a proficient partner.
"Processed Shop" is raunchy. It'southward dirty. It's not your grandmother's beloved song.
But when you lot strip away the swagger, the back crush, and the weird strings from "All-time of Public Domain Heart Eastern Music 1993," by the end of the song, both people are satisfied. And at the finish of the day, isn't that what a healthy relationship is all about?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Photo past Francois Durand/Getty Images.
And so seductive.
Source: https://www.upworthy.com/6-songs-that-seem-romantic-but-arent-and-one-that-seems-like-it-isnt-but-is
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